:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
