Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
