Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
