I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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