I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This toilet bowl is my home.
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