Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
