you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
