Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
