Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
