I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
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i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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