it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
