The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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