Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
