I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
