Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my liver is dry heaving
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
