Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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