in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
