If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
