Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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