My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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