boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
