I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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