Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
