First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
