Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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