WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
