I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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