I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
