I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
