after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
