I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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