Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Barsexuality is the new black.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
