so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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