Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize