If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We talked him into tasing himself.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
