I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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