apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
