dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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