well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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