Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
