Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
