Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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