There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
