we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
