sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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