did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
