Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Randomize
