dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
