How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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