He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
