Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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