I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
