You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
