So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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