just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
