I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
