why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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