bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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