You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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