I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
