Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
false alarm. still invincible.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
