Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
